I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
