Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
