i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
its not stalking. its research.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
