I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
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