his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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