the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
