we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
