just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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