come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
