Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
