Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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