Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
