Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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