apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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