just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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