We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
