pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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