try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
