Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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