Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I am mentally ready for anal.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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