He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
