So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
