i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize