Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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