definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
