can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
