If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
