So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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