We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
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