I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
