dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
