I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
