so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
