Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
