i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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