Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
