Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I think my moral compass just broke
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
