Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
