i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
