From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I will pee on everything he values.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
