Where did you get a picture of my penis
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
