Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
