Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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