Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
