so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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