i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
