I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
