A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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