Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
