new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She bit a glass in half.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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