walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
