if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
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