I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I think I sprained my soul last night
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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