I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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