Apparently you make a good broom.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
