last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
