Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
