I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
