i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Randomize
