i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
