Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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