so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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