dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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