You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
