I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
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