I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He passed out mid-signature
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
