He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
