I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
