well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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