How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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