I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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