Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Its about making memories worth repressing
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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